Why can’t I ever just be happy too?
Like vintage vinyl caught in a perpetual loop, the haunting melody of a broken record plays relentlessly in my mind. As tears cascade down my face, each note echoes in a rhythmic cadence of their descent, the “drip drop” beats create a percussion of melancholy.
“Other people feel happy, why can’t I ever just be happy too? It’s not fair.”
My life often feels like a perpetual dance between extremes, like riding a rollercoaster where the tracks ascend to the sky just to plunge back into the shadows. It’s a kaleidoscope of highs and lows, I’m either all the way up or all the way down, hurtling in a constant oscillation.
As I ascend, the world becomes a breathtaking tapestry of endless possibilities, transcending into a mosaic of opportunities. Every moment, the upward trajectory of my life peaks and it is exhilarating. The stimulation is an intoxicating thrill of adrenaline, painted with hues of euphoria etched into my brain. But then without warning, there is inevitable freefall from the utopia of fleeting bliss. The descent is swift and unrelenting, a stomach-churning plummet, blurring the world into a whirlwind of emotions, each twist and turn more intense and unpredictable than the last, until I ultimately find myself at the bottom of the abyss. The ground beneath me becomes a silent witness to the weight of my emotions, collecting the teardrops engulfed by the shadows of deep despair as the world around me loses all color.
There’s something so peculiar about living with bipolar depression, its unpredictable silhouette hangs over the canvas of my life. I am caught between the ephemeral echoes of laughter and the elusive silence of hopelessness. It's like having a weather forecast for my emotions, with sunny days of euphoria and stormy nights of gloom ahead, but the challenge lies in the uncertainty of when one will end, and the next will commence.
The highs and lows serve as a constant reminder of the tumultuous journey of living with bipolar depression.
And so, I dream of moments of serenity, which is where I imagine true happiness must lie.
